I was all set for today to be calm and productive. As I stood in my first period class explaining a writing project I sudden heard over the loudspeaker "Teachers, we are now at Code Red." Immediately 30 girls all started talking and running around. A Code Red is used for your standard shootings, hostage situations, bomb threats and kidnappings and intruders. They may not be standard where you are, but this is southeast Dallas. I got the girls in the furthest corner from the doors and two of the older students helped me turn out lights, cover windows and lock doors. Then began the task of keeping 30 girls quiet. We sat for about ten minutes wondering whether this was a drill or the real thing. Having spent my first two years teaching at a school where we actually HAD intruders, student riots, drugs, and weapons in class, I tend to treat all alerts as drills unless otherwise convinced. I don't give any of this away to the students, if they don't learn to take drills seriously, it could get them killed.
After the all clear came (see, I had you worried) I invited one of the safety officers at our school to come and yell at my students who were talking. Then when he left I really yelled. I think I scared some students, but it may safe their lives someday. As I was talking to the students, the question came up of what to do if a shooter, intruder, whoever actually made it into our classroom and tried to kill the students. My response was that he/she would have to kill me first. Of course they all got a little teary-eyed when they realized that I, along with every other teacher here, really mean that. (Working with a school full of girls makes for a lot of emotion. I'm not a fan of emotion :)
Now to the point of why I told you that story. Later in the day I began to get anxious (again) about some things going on at work and my inability to control them. My dad likes to say that I've been stressed out since I was three years old. He may be right, but I tend to get ultra stressed around this time of year. I worry about the fact that we have a concert in two weeks and everyone sounds horrible, I worry about upcoming competitions in which I'm required to have students compete, I worry that I really work for two people (the principal, and the fine arts director), and that there are just sometimes I can't keep them both happy. I worry that I seem inadequate for my job, or even worse; I AM inadequate for my job. As my last out of tune and playing in the wrong key students left the room after the last class, I lost it. I started crying and feeling like everything in my life is going the wrong way.
As I reached for my phone to call my Mom (I know she can't fix it, but it makes me feel better) I suddenly realized that I have reached a Code Red. I've reached the place where I can't put things in perspective anymore. I've reached the place where I suddenly cannot stand to have a migraine for one more minute. I've reached the place where nothing makes sense and I realize that I don't know the answers anymore. I've reached the place where I need to quit giggling in the dark and start treating this situation like it is real. Those of you who know me well, know that I usually push things aside that bother me and refuse to deal with them. This is not healthy. Like a gunman roaming the hallways, this could kill me. I have to learn to deal with these things.
As I sat and pondered these things, I was reminded that I have a way of dealing with stress (If only I could remember that each time). I was reminded that I have a protector. Just like I told those girls that someone would have to get through me to hurt them, I have someone to do that for me. As I thought of that, my mind was flooded with a myriad of scriptures speaking about the love and protection of God. I'm not going to list all of them, but I am going to share one that spoke the most. Psalms 29:11 says "The Lord will give strength unto his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace." That says it all right there. When I reach my "Code Reds" in life, which due to human nature will probably happen often, all I need to do is look to my provider and protector.
Sometimes our problems are not just work related, or stress related, or in my case, headache related. Sometimes our problems involve things that really matter, like family, friends, spiritual well being and others. The great part about my provider is that He is equally powerful in any situation imaginable. In Romans 8:35, 36-39 it say what I'm trying to say much better. "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God."
This says to me that I am loved, no matter what. I am precious, protected and provided for, no matter what. Let the "Code Reds" of life come -- I am secure.
