The Forgotten Child
We will call him Despair. He has many names, among them, Fear, Hurt, Self-Loathing, and Loneliness. He has a sister, or a brother, or thousands of them who share his name. Despair is one of the Forgotten Ones. A child whom no one cares about. There are people who say they care, but when it really matters, Despair finds himself alone. When you think about a forgotten child, you think of a child whose parents were taken away by war, sickness or death. In most cases children become forgotten through the far more insidious ways of neglect and abuse.
We all know this child. He is the one who was born to parents who didn't want him. He was the one who got left behind in a divorce. He is the one whose parents are in jail and he is being raised by other family. There are many stories of his beginnings, many excuses for why he was forgotten. They matter, but what matters more is if he will continue to be forgotten.
If Despair is “fortunate” he has the chance to attend school, where he is even more neglected. Despair stays away from people, because people hurt him. He sits alone because no one wants to sit near him. For you see, Despair wears the same clothes all week because he has no others, unless he wears his mother's jeans and tennis shoes, hoping no one will notice. No one taught Despair to wash and to take care of basic hygiene issues. So some days he smells. Despair doesn't eat at lunch, because he can't afford to and doesn't know that he can ask for help. Despair walks the hallways in fear of being taunted for being different. He will be mocked, hit, tripped or pushed everyday. Physical wounds will heal, but the spiritual and emotional wounds will never go away.
If Despair is “lucky” there will be one teacher, or one counselor who will take an interest in him. But this interest is short-lived. It centers around passing a class or going to the next grade. This is all overshadowed and made unimportant by the fact that Despair will drop out of school in 9th grade to get a job.
Despair believes that he has no worth or value in the world. This will be constantly reinforced by teachers and family who consider him lazy because he doesn't work in class. No one knows or cares that Despair stays up with his drunk mother at night to make sure she is ok. No one cares that Despair takes care of younger siblings and doesn't have the time to do homework or study. No one thinks about what pain they are causing this child when they raise their voices at him or verbally abuse him in front of other student.
We all know this child. We know that statistics show that he will start dealing drugs so he can buy food for his family. We know that he is likely to join a local gang so he can belong to a group who will look out for him. We know that he will do anything to feel valued.
You've heard that it takes a village to raise a child. In the case of Despair and his friends, this is true. It will take more than one person to make a difference in his life. It will take many people and many acts of kindness to show this child that he has inestimable worth. It will take time more than anything. The real question is, will the people in this child's life take the time to make a difference? Will they go the extra mile, spend the extra money, take the extra time and commit to the journey?
If they will, they will find that the time spend investing in this child and loving him will be one of the most rewarding things they have ever done. But most of them will never take the time. Despair will become one more causality in the war of indifference that we choose every day not to fight.
Please look around you and find the child in your life who fits the description of Despair. Choose to make a difference no matter what. You may be the only one who ever says a kind word to this child. You may be the only face of Christ that he or she ever sees. Please choose to love the unlovely, fight for the weak, and be a shield for the hurting. There are more of these children around you than you think. Look closely, and then act.
Martha's note: Sometimes something weighs so heavily upon me that I have to write about it. As a teacher, I see these children every day. Sadly, I also see them in the homes of people I know. Neglect happens on a small scale everyday in normal, happy families. These children need champions. They need someone who will show them unconditional love and acceptance. As someone who has dreamed for years of starting my own family, I see these children as a God-given opportunity to be a mother for someone who may not have one. It's a hard calling, but I believe we are all called to help these children. I pray daily that God will allow me to see these children as He sees them and to guide me as I try to help them. Please join me in the fight to save these children from the futures that are ahead of them. This writing is dedicated to Edwin and Kris Bumpass who made sure that Alie Grace would not be a forgotten child.
